Worth The Wait

I’m a parent of two kids and like a lot of other parents, I’ve read my fair share of parenting books.  We parents want to raise healthy, confident children. And to do that, many of us have been heaping praise on our developing kids to ensure that they will feel good about themselves. So it’s no surprise that reading the chapter in the book Nurture Shock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman called The Inverse Power of Praise hit me like a ton of bricks. Basically it says this: if you are always telling your children how smart they are, it can have a unexpected negative effect on them. Children who internalize that they are smart (or talented or whatever adjective you are using to praise them) find that the next time they are presented with a challenge they are less likely to try.  Why is this? Well, it’s because now the stakes of failure have become too high.  If they don’t succeed, it must mean that they aren’t smart at all.  It might mean that they will lose their parents approval and the stream of steady praise that they have become addicted to will dry up.

Let that really sink in. These so-called “smart” kids think they have to get it right on their first try! How crazy is that?!  I think it goes without saying that I immediately began to re-think how I was praising my kids. But I also began to wonder how much we adults may have absorbed this kind of thinking.  I wouldn’t say that I was brought up in an era that praise was as prolific as it is now. But I do have to admit that for whatever reason, I have unreasonable expectations of myself.  As a kid, I was naturally good at school and athletics but as I got older and my world expanded, things got much harder. I couldn’t rely on natural abilities. If I couldn’t do something well pretty early in the process, I would actually feel embarrassment and humiliation, and would be reluctant to try it in the future.

But here’s the good news for the kids being raised in this praise-heavy world and for grown-ups that are hard on the themselves.  The study goes on to say that kids that are praised for effort, not innate abilities, are much better at taking on new challenges. If you are praising the specific work or focus they are bringing to the task then what is communicated to them is that they have some control over the result. They learn that if they keep trying that they can succeed. They learn that the brain is a muscle and with consistent workouts, it gets better and better. And they learn that failure is not a declaration that they are dumb. Mistakes are simply what happens on the way to mastering something new.

Over the years, I have been complimented on my sense of style. So when I took up sewing a few years ago, I figured that I would be making garments that were my style and creating things that I would love to wear right out of the starting gate. I could not have been more wrong! At the end of sewing project after sewing project, I would be left with something that didn’t feel like me at all. The temptation was to think, “I suck at making clothes”, but the thing was (and is) that I LOVE to sew. Because I enjoyed the process so much, I kept going in spite of the fear that I would never make anything that was any good.

Luckily for me, the passion for sewing was able to override those crazy internalized expectations that I’d be good at it right away.  And with each project, I’ve gotten better. And I’ve gotten better because I’ve put in a lot of time and energy. I’ve set challenges and failed miserably. It’s because of that effort that I feel particularly proud of this jacket. Not because I’m some natural born Alexander McQueen (which, duh, I’m not), but because this jacket represents persistence. According to Bronson and Merryman, “People with this trait, persistence, rebound well and can sustain their motivation through long periods of delayed gratification.” If this jacket doesn’t represent delayed gratification, then I don’t know what does! It took years to get here.

So here’s the takeaway. If you are beating yourself up for being no good at something, try re-parenting your inner child. Give yourself a big pat on the back for showing up and making an effort. Be persistent, and know that gratification is coming, even if it is delayed.

Pattern, Ziggi Jacket, Style Arc

Top Layer Fabric, Embroidered Lace, Dolce and Gabbana, Mendel Goldberg Fabrics

Bottom Layer Fabric, Reversible Wool Satin Faille, B&J Fabrics

Lining, Silk Crepe de Chine in Blush, Mood Fabrics

Riri Zippers, Pacific Trimming

Photographs and Video by Santiago Vanegas

Let’s get in to the details of the jacket.  The pattern is the Ziggi Jacket by Style Arc.  I’ve been wanting to try this pattern for a long time and have seen some really amazing makes that others have done.  My favorite is Leisa’s.  I was in Susan Khalje’s workshop with her when she started her Ziggi and I was so impressed with her version that I wanted to throw away what I was working on and make my own Ziggi right then.  Instead it took me a couple of years to get around to making my own.  Sometimes the right fabric and interpretation just take awhile to find you.

The next thing that I did right was start this jacket with Susan Khalje.  We fiddled with it until I had the perfect fit which meant re-drawing the armscye a bit.  Most patterns don’t accomodate my broad shoulders.  I had done my research on motorcycle jackets and spent time looking at jackets by Belstaff and Matchless and knew that I wanted to incorporate a few details I had come across.  Instead of using the crossed diagonal quilting on the upper arm and shoulder, I made my quilting horizontal lines.  There are two layers of quilt batting crammed in there to give it that puffed up quilting effect.  I also decided to quilt the bottom pattern section of the center back and to leave it as a flap instead of sewing it closed.  I love the triangular effect of the quilted pieces and think it makes for a flattering silhouette.

Laying out the lace was a blast!  This was where it really got fun creatively.  I knew I wanted the largest embroidery motif on the back.  Once I placed that, I had to survey what I had left and come up with a plan.  I decided to go for a heavily embroidered collar and then have the flowers be more randomly and sparsely placed as you move down the jacket.  And as for having enough lace to cover the jacket, I just squeaked by!

The jacket has 5 zippers!  The long zipper to close the jacket, two pocket zippers, and two lower sleeve zippers were all sewn in by hand with pick stitches.  I used grosgrain ribbon to face the pocket which is what you see when the pocket is unzipped.  And of course, it is packed with couture stitches galore.  All the seam allowances are catch-stitched.  The lining was machine sewn then sewn into the jacket by hand.  I used fell stitches along the neckline, facings, and zippers then created jump pleats at the hem and sleeve hem.

I’m over the moon with how it turned out!  So Santiago and I decided maybe we had better go to the “moon” to photograph the jacket.  Arabia Mountain is pretty close.